Wednesday, August 25, 2010

You May Be Asking Yourself...

"So, what are we going to do tonight, Brain?" The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try and take over the world! I've sat by long enough with these ideas, yet never putting them in motion. It's time to get the ball rolling. Floor the pedal. It's time to make those moves I preach need to be made in order to find success in this here writing thing.

"So Brain, how are we going to do that?"

My plans will not be foiled any longer. ESPN, NFL, Yahoo!, MSN... you're all on my hit-list. I'm going to find my way to work for one of you, and the rest will be sucking my toes begging me to join forces with you. Pinky, tonight... I unleash my greatest plan yet... tonight, I take the initiative.

"Well gee, Brain. Don't you think you should tell me so I can't screw it up?"

I would, but this time, you're not going to spoil my adventure. This time, I go to war alone. This time, nothing foils my plate!

Okay, but seriously. For everyone wondering why I chose Pinky and the Brain, whose plans never work... taking over the world has never worked... and usually because some idiotic thing happens where your own side screws it up for you. And also, there have never been two characters with greater initiative (okay, maybe one since Pinky was never all there) than a mouse in a cage in a lab... who wanted nothing more than to take over not just the lab which is all the world he knew... but that entire planet under the moonlit sky outside that 2x4 ft. window in that lab.

I look out of my cage, and I see a room, and I see a window on one of the walls in that room. Beyond that window, I see a world so vast, that control of it must mean some form of empowerment. Now, now... don't worry. I don't have a Hitler bone in my body. I'm not looking to Dr. Evil the planet. I'm looking for people to listen to the voice (or text) of a generation. I will conquer the world of media. I will have athletes and celebrities alike following my Twitter, and blowing up my phone and email trying to conduct interviews with me.

Hey, if celebrities are doing everything they can to land themselves on Mr. Skin (who was just a guy like any guy sitting around on a couch with enough cash to start a website which would attract every person with the smallest ounce of perversion towards the celebrities of this planet and their bodies, and become a worldwide phenomenon and have his site talked about IN the movies which would have scenes featured on his site anyways)... surely I can be one of those people who get every celebrity and athlete waiting in line to be interviewed by me. All I need is a sweet-ass cartoon version of me (hell, even see Matt Terl from the Redskins Blog) and to get the ball rolling.

"But he's got nude celebrities to offer, what have you got?"

Pinky, shutup before I send you back to your cage! Wait... how did you get out? Wh.. what are you doing next to that? Pi... PINKY! DON'T TOUCH THAT! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTH...

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