For those of you who follow me on Twitter and pay attention to what I Tweet… you probably saw me talking about introspection this week. I’ve gone through this process several times before, I still can’t honestly answer who I really am, but I’ve got a much better sense than I’m sure most of you do unless you’re introspective yourselves. It’s the healthiest form of observation and self-awareness one can do, and it’s very humbling, but it’s also very troubling in the moment. You’ve got to be prepared to hurt your own feelings and really beat yourself up when going through this process… because the goal is to admit everything about yourself to yourself, and find a way to fix the things with which you’re not happy.
I won’t go into the process with you guys and what I’m “discovering” this time around, but I will say this: I’ve figured out how and why I tick. I knew it before, but seeing it from this light really casts a lot into how extreme it can be. All I can say is I’ve been somewhat troubled recently by some of the things I’ve discovered because they’re things I’ve tried not to blame myself for, but couldn’t blame others. They get lost on the fine line between acceptance and rejection, and when they come back, you still refuse to accept them so it hits harder. Being able to finally accept some of this stuff relieves a lot of stress, but knowing that you put off assuming responsibility or taking claim for your actions can really devastate the mind.
Unfortunately for me, the best time to practice introspection is during the night, so my sleeping pattern has also been screwed up… and that’s also led me to being a bit more cranky and difficult to deal with recently. But I feel like I’m in a fairly good state with myself right now as I’ve not found anything particularly major that I’ve yet to deal with emotionally, and after what I went through since the last time I was introspective, that says a lot to me about how well I actually handled a lot of things. But even still, the minor details do add up, and it does really weigh on your mind knowing that you’ve got things you need to address and correct when you didn’t think/realize they were really problems, or they caused problems.
Anyways, that’s why I’ve been the way I’ve been recently, and why I’ve not blogged this past week. I hope some of you can start on your own introspect as well… EVERYONE needs to once in a while.