As I celebrate another birthday today, I wondered and let my mind wander... Brian Wilson belting out the soundtrack to my journey.
The people in my life I consider peers are all mostly a year or three younger than me, yet they all seem to be progressing in their lives and passing me by. It's a thought that bothers me at times, because I feel like I should be right there with them. It's human nature to want to belong, no one enjoys feeling left out.
But in reality, I have always been the odd man out. As a child, I read books more often than I played outside. When it came to birthday parties as a preteen, I was the name that got left out of the invitations. Even now, I don't quite understand the fun in most things my peers enjoy. The social media outlets my peers are so fond of mean next to nothing to me. Most of the popular music I hear is soulless and empty. I'm not a party person. I always felt as though I had nothing that connected me to my generation on a social level. I could find no niche in this reality, so I turned inward and explored the depths of my imagination.
Although I found solace in solitude, I do want to find a place among my fellow human beings. A place where I am comfortably me, but also an integral part of my community. But I cannot in good conscience acquiesce and submit myself to a society policed by soulless apathy and governed by mindless greed. Life should be and must become a free, beautiful and wonderful adventure rather than a rat race, and such a change will come only when there has been growth in how we perceive ourselves, a shift in all of humankind's paradigm.
Aimlessness breeds a depressing and dooming sense of worthlessness.. So to be able to find something you can put your heart and soul into is an absolute blessing. And after a little more than half a decade of searching for purpose, I found the things that made me want to live life. If you cannot find physical friends who can understand your internal plight, the best place to turn to is literature, with music being a close runner up. Those art forms contain the minds and souls of human beings who may share the thoughts and feelings you thought were singular to you. Uniqueness in human beings is subtle, we are all shaped and made whole by the world around us, our selves exist only through and because of one another.
You feel as though you weren't made for these times because the world around you asks why while you envision things that have never been and ask why not. But your perception of self is badly skewed: You were built specifically for these times. If you see the world differently, embrace your vision.. You are who will shape the future.
May love ever possess you.. may peace come into your life.